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Hawk_Eye

Gupta Wedding - For the beancounters

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Hawk_Eye    1,399

These are the invoices that went trough KPMG..Glad they are not my auditors..

 

Ever wondered how you load a bill to get to R30m? Here are invoices for #GuptaWedding. You tell us what @KPMG_SA missed. Enjoy! #GuptaLeaks

 

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taipan    1,493

Auditing has been a joke in SA for many years. Most audit clerks have no idea how a set of books is arrived at.

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Hawk_Eye    1,399
1 minute ago, taipan said:

Auditing has been a joke in SA for many years. Most audit clerks have no idea how a set of books is arrived at.

True.  When we did system audit for BMW - in other words checking the database architecture and ensuring the calc and procedures are correct we were "assisted" by an auditing firm.  They sent little nose-pickers who were doing articles.  One asked me if the system simply "drops" the difference (rounding) in transactions.  I felt like dropping him on his freaking head.  Had to explain in detail how the system calculates, rounds and what happens to the difference...written to a GL account called "rounding" and at month-end the "balance" of 11 cent (derived from transactions close to 2 million)  or so is either added to profit or added to expenses depending on the amount being positive or negative.    So when an "auditor" accepts that money value can simply be discarded I question their varsity lectures / logic.  What if it is a big amount?  The system has a parameter that flags any amount bigger than X.xx to send a mail to who ever is designated.. Stupid fucks.

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taipan    1,493

A couple of years ago I think I had the same one. She asked me for the bank reconciliations. I told her we don't do bank reconciliations and moved on.

Flash forward a couple of months to the audit review with the senior partner for one of the "big 4". He demanded to know why no bank recons were done as it is a primary accounting function. I explained that as all our banking is electronic the bank statement always agrees to the ledger and I only do reconciliations of figures that do not agree.

i reckon he pulled out her pubes one by one when he returned to his office.

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vlagman    947

@taipan the result of "do it because those are the rules" that we learned in standard 6 Accounting in the seventies when you had to wait for the bank statement to arrive by post which was made up and posted 14 days earlier.

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Hawk_Eye    1,399
2 minutes ago, taipan said:

A couple of years ago I think I had the same one. She asked me for the bank reconciliations. I told her we don't do bank reconciliations and moved on.

Flash forward a couple of months to the audit review with the senior partner for one of the "big 4". He demanded to know why no bank recons were done as it is a primary accounting function. I explained that as all our banking is electronic the bank statement always agrees to the ledger and I only do reconciliations of figures that do not agree.

i reckon he pulled out her pubes one by one when he returned to his office.

Many of these kids know how to play games on a computer.  However when it comes to the actual working of a program and the stored-procedures in the database that does virtually "everything", they know nothing.

Our system keeps track of every user and every intervention is time-stamped.  At month end if they want to know who did "this" - we can tell them to the second which user from which IP address did it and how long the user spent on that specific transaction.

Had a case the other day where the marketing guys tried to blame IT for a certain input which screwed their stats...... we wrote a script and printed it out, LOL the guy complaining and blaming was the one who did it.....marketing guys are good at backpedaling and perfect alibi-management  ..

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Hawk_Eye    1,399
1 minute ago, vlagman said:

@taipan the result of "do it because those are the rules" that we learned in standard 6 Accounting in the seventies when you had to wait for the bank statement to arrive by post which was made up and posted 14 days earlier.

Very seldom does theory and real life gel completely.  Theoretically you can turn a tennis ball inside out without puncturing it.. LOL

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taipan    1,493

Vlag I have audited the band recons of a major medical aid. Back in the day all doctors'  and members claims were paid by cheque. There was more than one outstanding cheque at month end.

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taipan    1,493
5 minutes ago, Hawk_Eye said:

Many of these kids know how to play games on a computer.  However when it comes to the actual working of a program and the stored-procedures in the database that does virtually "everything", they know nothing.

Our system keeps track of every user and every intervention is time-stamped.  At month end if they want to know who did "this" - we can tell them to the second which user from which IP address did it and how long the user spent on that specific transaction.

Had a case the other day where the marketing guys tried to blame IT for a certain input which screwed their stats...... we wrote a script and printed it out, LOL the guy complaining and blaming was the one who did it.....marketing guys are good at backpedaling and perfect alibi-management  ..

The reason they know nothing is they don't understand how the actual entries work. A computer system is a speeded up manual system, but if you don't understand the basics.....

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Hawk_Eye    1,399
2 minutes ago, taipan said:

Vlag I have audited the band recons of a major medical aid. Back in the day all doctors'  and members claims were paid by cheque. There was more than one outstanding cheque at month end.

That must've been a big bag of "beans" to count.. LOL 

See. us IT guys made everyone's life so much easier. :bounce:

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Hawk_Eye    1,399
Just now, taipan said:

The reason they know nothing is they don't understand how the actual entries work. A computer system is a speeded up manual system, but if you don't understand the basics.....

Very true...again the difference between knowledge and experience.  When you take that "knowledge" you acquired and you put it in practice over and over then you gain experience and only then do you start adding value.  

Basics is what is wrong with modern rugby too...

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taipan    1,493
2 minutes ago, Hawk_Eye said:

That must've been a big bag of "beans" to count.. LOL 

See. us IT guys made everyone's life so much easier. :bounce:

It was a total ball ache,  but believe me it taught you how the system worked.

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taipan    1,493
37 minutes ago, vlagman said:

@taipan the result of "do it because those are the rules" that we learned in standard 6 Accounting in the seventies when you had to wait for the bank statement to arrive by post which was made up and posted 14 days earlier.

Back in the day, the ledger clerks were not allowed to go home on the last day of the month before all the accounts were balanced. Remember this was before computerization. Can't see that happening today.

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Hawk_Eye    1,399
40 minutes ago, taipan said:

Back in the day, the ledger clerks were not allowed to go home on the last day of the month before all the accounts were balanced. Remember this was before computerization. Can't see that happening today.

There is no need.  Our system (SAM4Windows) does not have a month end or day end.  You set the calendar at the beginning of the financial year.  You select your debtor dates and the system does all the rest.  All debtors are automated and sent via pdf.  All month-end reports are automatically spooled - all can be directly ported to Excel (because some folk still like to look busy).  We do not print anything - we try to save paper because many a report is printed and never used.  Users can flag their reports which will then be mailed to them via internal mail in pdf format.  No need for anyone to babysit the system for a month end.  A similar procedure - but more intricate - happens at year end when a 14th month is created for bean counters.

We also allow auditors to log into the system remotely - they have access to only a query database which is replenished daily - this way they cannot screwup the live system etc.

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taipan    1,493

Yeah, I know all that. My point is that you wouldn't see present day employees working until the job is finished.

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Hawk_Eye    1,399
2 minutes ago, taipan said:

Yeah, I know all that. My point is that you wouldn't see present day employees working until the job is finished.

Nope - not made that way..they are mostly clock watchers..

 

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taipan    1,493

Actually my wife and son are bank employees and do out the extra time in.

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taipan    1,493
3 minutes ago, WeDaFaKaWe said:

I was led to believe that the world would spin off it's axis if it wasn't for CAs.

Isn't Beeno a CA?

Touché

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vlagman    947
7 minutes ago, WeDaFaKaWe said:

I was led to believe that the world would spin off it's axis if it wasn't for CAs.

Isn't Beeno a CA?

He has the papers to say he is. That does not say that he has the capabilities as well. 

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taipan    1,493
8 minutes ago, vlagman said:

He has the papers to say he is. That does not say that he has the capabilities as well. 

The Guptas would love him.

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Hawk_Eye    1,399
14 minutes ago, vlagman said:

He has the papers to say he is. That does not say that he has the capabilities as well. 

 

5 minutes ago, taipan said:

The Guptas would love him.

You guys only know the cyber persona.  He is in fact a very competent CA with his own business.  He left the varsity where he worked and was well loved by his peers to start a new venture.  Stop being jealous and pay the man some respect.

 

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taipan    1,493
10 minutes ago, Hawk_Eye said:

 

You guys only know the cyber persona.  He is in fact a very competent CA with his own business.  He left the varsity where he worked and was well loved by his peers to start a new venture.  Stop being jealous and pay the man some respect.

 

poke.gif

Oakbay.

 

Now it all makes sense.

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vlagman    947
58 minutes ago, taipan said:

Oakbay.

 

Now it all makes sense.

Remind me of the time I put on the clip of "I talk to the trees". He had a lot to say about a game he hasn't watched but he was going on what some "oaks" told him at some pub or club or something. 

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