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Guest Hawkeye

FUNNIES

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wan an increase.

The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Jor husband say so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Jor husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh..'

Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.'

Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No Señora...the gardener did.'

Wife: 'So how much do you want?'

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Guest BigBullSupporter   
Guest BigBullSupporter

I see some still replying as guests. Log in guys if you have been validated by the Mod.

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supersupporter    798

every one has been validated by me...we still need to get posts on other forums inviting guys to start using this...i have posted on SuperSport..

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

I see some still replying as guests. Log in guys if you have been validated by the Mod.

Word jy nie fokken moeg van al die rondspring nie?

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Guest BigBullSupporter   
Guest BigBullSupporter

Word jy nie fokken moeg van al die rondspring nie?

Nee wat Hawk... ek is 'n ou danser... white men can dance!!

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Guest ysbeer2   
Guest ysbeer2

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, 'Do you have water?'

The Jewish man replied, 'I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.'

The Taliban shouted, 'Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!'

'OK,' said the old Jewish man, 'It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.'

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.

'Your brother won't let me in without a tie!

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WeDaFaKaWe    319

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K.,Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene

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Blikkies    62

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min.

A beer shortens your life by 4 min ...

A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!

I REST MY CASE!!

Let's go home!!!!!!!!!

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taipan    1,432

I gave the missus an orgasm last night.

The ungrateful bitch spat it out.

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels.'

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him..

She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

'Now take off my stockings.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

I didn't see it coming, either! laugh.gif

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vlagman    914

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. In government, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Threatening the horse with termination.

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Sending a delegation to see how

other countries ride dead horses.

6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can

be included.

7. Reclassifying the dead horse as "living impaired."

8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase

the speed.

10. Providing additional funding and/or training to

increase the dead horse's performance.

11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders

would improve the dead horse's performance.

12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to

be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead,

and therefore contributes substantially

more to the bottom line than do some other horses.

13. Rewriting the expected performance requirements

for all horses.

14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

15. Keep reassessing the horse until it rises from

the dead.

16. Blame apartheid for the death.

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

'n Dag in die lewe van 'n STORMER Supporter:

16:00

Sit af na die kroeg met ´n hand vol groenes en ´n broek vol planne.

21:00

Begin onwelvoeglike opmerkings aan verbygaande dames maak. Word byna gebliksem.

23:00

Kies na ´n paar laaang brannewyne by die kroeg, koers na ´n doef-doef dansplek. Daar word gefuif met al die swier wat Bacchus kan toelaat.

24:00

Dit lyk of al die vet lelike meisies huis toe gaan.

00:07

Al die groot ouens en bouncers gaan ook huis toe.

00:15

´n Tower toerbus laai ´n klomp supermodelle in die dansplek af.

00:30

Wonder waar ek geleer dans het - ek kook!

00:45

´n Groepie modelle wink vir my om nader te kom. Tonge en telefoonnommers word uitgeruil.

01:00

Drink bodyshots uit ´n blond se naeltjie. Mense in die plek kyk my met afgryse aan - jy weet, tipe van; Wat soek daai 'looker' met so ´n ou? Ag wel, wat ken ek sê, as jy dit het, het jy dit.

01:32

Sien my eks by die kroeg. Kry onbeheerbare drang om vir haar te gaan sê ek is jammer oor wat alles tussen ons gebeur het en of ons nie weer moet probeer nie.

01:33

Blond druk haar tong in my keel...asem...asseblief...help.

01:35

Trap per ongeluk¨op haar toon. Uiteindelik - suurstof.

01:40

Kyk na my eks se reaksie. Sy maak of sy lag maar ek sien die trane in haar oë.

01:48

Probeer met eks praat maar sy lê nou op die vloer soos sy maak of sy lag...shame. Sy´t seker baie seer diep binne.

03:15

Gooi op in iemand se kar. Blond vee my mond af en troos my - kan jy dit glo, mooi en goedhartig. Kan nie glo ek het vanmiddag daardie Lucky-packet ring weggegooi nie. Hierdie is verseker my trouvrou.

07:00

Word naar wakker met ´n reuse hoofpyn en die dors van ´n forel wat al ´n dag op droë grond lê. Waar´s al die mense skielik heen ... en waar de hel is ek? Ek is alleen in ´n babapienk kamer met sulke kommin wit rose op die mure geverf ... nee weet nog steeds nie. Hoor 'n mansstem in die gang, vermoed dis die blond se pa. Mooi of te not, ek wil nie gedôner word oor een of ander chick wat ek in ´n kroeg opgetel het nie.

07:01

Gryp my klere langs die bed en spring by die venster uit.

07:02

Kom agter ek het amper my hol met ´n tuinsproeier deurboor. Trek tussen bosse aan en hardloop by die hek uit. Kry my selfoon in my broeksak en bel ´n vriend.

07:25

Vriend stop langs my en pee pee homself amper van die lag toe hy my verhaal hoor. Hy sê heeltyd; ¨En dis net die helfde van die storie¨. Wat het gisteraand nóg gebeur? Sogenaamde vriend weier om vir my te sê waaroor hy heeltyd giggel.

08:00

Kom by die huis en vermoed ek het dalk malaria - ek voel regtig nie goed nie.

08:10

Kniel voor die porselein spoelgod en prewel oor en oor; Ek drink nooit weer nie.

08:20

Die gif in my derms kom nie meer bo uit nie. Wonder hoekom ek dit alweer aan myself gedoen het. Wonder verder of dit per toeval is dat alkohol so baie soos ´elke hol´ klink.

13:10

Die belofte wat ek gemaak het om nooit weer te drink nie het saam met my peperduur ekskrementum by die rioolpyp afgespoel. Dink net hoe lekker ´n glas yskoue brannewyn en Coke sal proe ... mmm.

15:00

Skaars sewe ure na ek oortuig was dat ek die tydelike met die ewige gaan verruil, sit ek weer in dieselfde kroeg waar dit alles begin het.

15:10

Sjoe, brannewyn is darem lekker.

15:23

Hoor in die verte ´n gerommel soos ´n trop befoeterde Buffels wat aangestorm kom. Die brannewyn in my glas maak soos die waterpoele in Jurrasic Park net voor T-rex almal opeet.

15:24

Kyk stadig op en sien die Michelin-vrou na my toe aangestoei kom. Hoekom lyk sy so bekend...?

15:27

Shrek se bruid het die tien meter van haar tafel na my tafel in ´n skamele drie minute kafgedraf. Sy omhels my met al die grasie van ´n russiese spiesgooier en sê uitasem; ¨Het jy vanmôre ook so groot geskrik toe my pa-hulle daar aankom? Ek dog hulle kom eers volgende week terug. Aai maar ons het darrem lekker gekuier gisteraand sweetness!¨

15:28

Die flashbacks omring my soos ´n scene uit ¨The Matrix¨. O, poef, hierdie is die blond. Geen wonder ek was so dronk van al die bodyshots nie - haar naeltjie is seker so diep soos die Atlantiese oseaan.

15:29

Ek kan nog nie ´n woord uitkry nie. Hoekom ek? Begin vinnig en deurmekaar verduidelik dat ek my pa met sy tuinstel moet gaan help; ¨Ek het jou mos gesê, nie .... wel ek moet. Oukei baai¨.

15:30

Sy skree agter my aan; ¨Oukei ek sal jou bel sweetness, ek het mos jou nommer¨. (Sweetness...nommer...wat de hel?)

15:34

Belowe myself dat ek nooit weer sal drink nie...en more kerk toe sal gaan. Behalwe as dit nagmaal is...

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

Proudly.jpg

WEES TROTS SUID-AFRIKAANS

Wanneer jy uit die restaurant kom en jou kar is weg, moenie kwaad of de moer in word nie.

Wees net trots Suid Afrikaans en steel die kar langsaan!

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allyphint    13

hahahahahahhahahahahahaha,

ek het nou baie lekker gelag vir al die stront! Julle manne is snaaks.

Die Mexican, Taliban, skunk, en moffie was classics!!

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Blikkies    62

Not so funny, but this show the snow in Ceres a few hours ago

http://www.supersupporter.co.za/index.php?app=core&module=attach&section=attach&attach_rel_module=post&attach_id=12

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Blikkies    62

Blikkies, het probeer kyk maar..... dis wat ek kry..............???

[#10171] You do not have permission to view this attachment.

Nee jong, ek het nie 'n koking clue hoekom jy 'n probleem het om dit oop te maak nie. By my wys dit mooi.

My kop is te plat vir hierdie goed - ek dink jy moet maar wag tot Barlee, Vlagman of Hawkeye hier is - ek is seker hulle behoort jou te kan help.

Sorry.

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

Nee jong, ek het nie 'n koking clue hoekom jy 'n probleem het om dit oop te maak nie. By my wys dit mooi.

My kop is te plat vir hierdie goed - ek dink jy moet maar wag tot Barlee, Vlagman of Hawkeye hier is - ek is seker hulle behoort jou te kan help.

Sorry.

Blikkies, die link verwys na 'n "external link", fok weet hoekom maar ek kry die selfde boodskap. Email my daai image laat ek sien wat is wat...

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

Dennis Penberthy, an elderly Cornish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.

"Tell me about your staff," he asked Penberthy.

"Well," said Penberthy, "there's the farm hand. I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, along with a bottle of gin every week, and, occasionally, gets to sleep with my wife."

"That's who I want to talk to," said the inspector, “the half-wit."

"That'll be me then," said Penberthy.

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Guest inyoka yomhlaba   
Guest inyoka yomhlaba

Microsoft Word For Niggas {{Click the thumbnail}}

post-53-058355600 1276785010_thumb.jpg

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Guest BigBullSupporter   
Guest BigBullSupporter

Die tagtigjarige krimpie tannie score na jare alleen 'n date met 'n omie wat halsbande by die vlooimark smous op Sondae en is die aand besig om outanniehaarself mooi te maak voor die spieël toe sy met haarself begin praat.

Sy is besig om te pout en al bewerig lipstick aan te sit en sê: "Ja lippies, vanaand gaan julle bietjie weer gesoen word."

Sy poeier haar hangborste en sê: "Ja my ou tette, vanaand gaan julle so bietjie gestreel word, al lyk julle soos halfmas peulvrugte"

Sy maak kyk af, loer by haar panna in en tune: "En jy, ou gryskat. Vanaand sal ons sien of jy nog 'n fokken voël kan vang!"

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