Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Guest Hawkeye

FUNNIES

Recommended Posts

supersupporter    883

I have checked and there is no reason why you cannot upload. So I can only assume it is something your end, send them to me i will add them for you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    257

Yes, must be a problem my end.

How do I send to you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    257

A man goes to a public golf course.

 

 He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says,

 

"I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."

 

The man behind the counter says,

 

"The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of our caddies are out on the course.

 

But - We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today.

 

The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.

 

He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself,

 

"I think my driver will do the job."

 

The robot caddie turned to the man and said,

 

"No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

 

Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.

 

The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.

 

And this was the way the rest of the game went - The robot's suggestions were always correct and the man's entire game was the best game he had ever played.

 

A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said,

 

"I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

 

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said,

 

"Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots.

We had too many complaints."

 

"COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible!

 

The man sighed and said,

 

"Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fairway."

 

The golfer said,

 

"So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

 

The man nodded sadly and replied,

 

"We did. Then four of them didn't show up for work, two of them applied for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop and the other one thinks he's the President!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    257

A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway.

Onlookers where stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered, amazed and dumbfounded. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WeDaFaKaWe    347

Boer hardloop na sy komandant toe. "Komandant die donnerse khakis het my perd onder my uitgeskiet."

"Toemaar gaan gou af water toe en sny vir jou rietperd, As jy klaar is kry ons jou anderkant die drif daar op daardie koppie."

"Goed so komandant"

Perd klaar gesny en gevorm, kom die boer uitasem uiteindelik by sy makkers bo op die koppie uit.

"Vok" se hy "ek kon net sowel self gehardloop het."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hawk_Eye    1,458

:36_11_6: That is brilliant, if ever you want to make your president look stupid, put words with more than 2 syllables in his speech..

​Karma is a bitch!

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
vlagman    992

:36_11_6: That is brilliant, if ever you want to make your president look stupid, put words with more than 2 syllables in his speech..

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
supersupporter    883

11.34: Arrived at crime scene

11.34: Examined body. Signs of a struggle

11.34: Found murder weapon in drain

11.34: Realised watch was broken

----------------------------------------------------------------

Syria has appealed for international assistance today, after a boatload of 500 Greeks arrived seeking a better life.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Life was so simple before I got married.

I had absolutely no idea there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    257

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.

No further testing is planned.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
vlagman    992

An elderly couple, who had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones.
The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a retired submariner-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WeDaFaKaWe    347

The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Zuma on it.
The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and R1.5 million in spending, a special 
Presidential commission presented the following findings:

1. The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. The people of South Africa are simply spitting on the wrong side.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this  

  • Who's Online   0 Members, 0 Anonymous, 0 Guests (See full list)

    There are no registered users currently online

  • Forum Statistics

    11,450
    Total Topics
    387,357
    Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    52
    Total Members
    2,160
    Most Online
    sharleen
    Newest Member
    sharleen
    Joined
×