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taipan    1,380
3 hours ago, supersupporter said:

*VROUELOGIKA OP SY BESTE!*

Man, vroegoggend: _"Wil jy nie saam met my gaan draf nie skat?"_
Vrou, moerig: _"Wil jy sê ek is vet?"_
Man: _"Nee, maar dis goed vir jou gesondheid!"_
Vrou: _"So, nou is ek ook sieklik?"_
Man, verboureerd: _"Jy verstaan my verkeerd, skat, dis nie wat ek bedoel nie!"_
Vrou, nou erg omgekrap: _"So, ek's onnosel en ongeletterd, wat niks verstaan nie?"_
Man, desperaat: _"Dis nie wat ek gesê het nie, skat"_
Vrou: _"Wil jy vir my sê, ek lieg?"_
Man, sugtend: _"Geniet maar jou slapie, skat, ek gaan alleen draf!"_
Vrou: _"Ja - tipies, jy doen mos alles alleen, de hel met my..!"

Why is this on the joke thread?

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vlagman    880
56 minutes ago, taipan said:

Why is this on the joke thread?

Should be in the wisdom thread. :bounce:

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The Don    236
19 hours ago, taipan said:

Why is this on the joke thread?

Good question indeed. :)

 

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vlagman    880

If you get a friend request from someone named Jeremiah, it's OK. Go ahead and accept it. He's a bull frog and he's a friend of mine..... 

 

My wife made me a cup of coffee this morning and winked as she gave it to me.....  I've never been more scared of a drink in my life. 

 

Success is like being pregnant.  Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you've been fucked.

 

Three things I like to keep private:

1. Every

2. Fucking

3. Thing

 

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are normally the ones who pissed you off in the first place. 

 

I hate when people say that you don't need alcohol to have fun...... You don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps. 

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vlagman    880

Good grief. They have been breeding big chickens in SA lately:

20156009_10154671965911434_2248332747365

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WeDaFaKaWe    315

A beautiful, sexy, blond sitting in economy, gets up after takeoff to Sydney and takes a vacant seat in the business section.

Air hostess "I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to return to your seat in the economy section, you can't sit here."

"I'm a beautiful sexy blond and I'm going to Sydney and I'm sitting here. Nobody is going to move me."

The air hostess reports it to the head of the cabin crew who in turn requests the lady to return to her seat in economy.

The blond responds again with, "I'm a beautiful sexy blond and I'm going to Sydney and I'm sitting here. Nobody is going to move me."

The head of cabin crew reports it to the pilot.

The pilot goes back to the business section and whispers something in the blonds ear, after which she stands up and returns to economy.

"How did you do that?" the cabin crew asks.

"I told her business class isn't going to Sydney."

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Mata Hari    477
On 7/22/2017 at 11:42 AM, WeDaFaKaWe said:

A beautiful, sexy, blond sitting in economy, gets up after takeoff to Sydney and takes a vacant seat in the business section.

Air hostess "I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to return to your seat in the economy section, you can't sit here."

"I'm a beautiful sexy blond and I'm going to Sydney and I'm sitting here. Nobody is going to move me."

The air hostess reports it to the head of the cabin crew who in turn requests the lady to return to her seat in economy.

The blond responds again with, "I'm a beautiful sexy blond and I'm going to Sydney and I'm sitting here. Nobody is going to move me."

The head of cabin crew reports it to the pilot.

The pilot goes back to the business section and whispers something in the blonds ear, after which she stands up and returns to economy.

"How did you do that?" the cabin crew asks.

"I told her business class isn't going to Sydney."

:36_11_6::36_11_6:

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vlagman    880

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

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WeDaFaKaWe    315

Pa van der Merwe vra vir die geskiedenis onnie, "Hoe is dit moontlik dat jy may kind n' nul gee vir geskiedenis?"

Onnie, "Maar Mnr van der Merwe hoeveel sou jy vir hom gegee het as hy nie eers weet dat Jan van Riebeck al dood is nie."

Pa, "Jy moet mooi verstaan, ons kom van Brakpan, ons het nie eers geweet hys siek nie."

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The Don    236

Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".

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The Don    236

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says the brunette. "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after their boss. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

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The Don    236

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

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WeDaFaKaWe    315

Little boy asks little girl, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

The little girls agrees.

The boy laughs and teases her when he sees what shes got, "Look at all I've got, and you've got nothing."

The little girl says, "Yes well my mom says even though I might not have as much as you have, as long as I've got what I have, I can have as many of what you've got that I want."

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