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Guest Hawkeye

FUNNIES

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WeDaFaKaWe    319

Die antwoord is 'n onomwonde NEE! Afrikaans is werklik 'n mooi beskrywende taal. Not my mother tongue but one I cherish with all my heart.

Klop!

I'm also a 'soutie' but I was wise enough marry a 'bokkie'.

From Hartswater nogal.

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Owen Meany    552

Paddy tells Mick …..

He's thinking of buying a labrador.

“Fook off â€Âsay's Mick, “ Are you mad???!!!!â€Â

“Have you seen how many of their owners go blind??â€Â

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the

night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." Said Bob.

"Did you, er, happen to getup in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said,

"Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... you know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

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vlagman    914

From Twitter,

VictorMatfield

Keo was very clever before Super 14 final and he was wrong. Now he thinks he is clever again. Wonder if he look at stats after game.

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allyphint    13

From the Australian media:

Fact is that are only two South African things visible from space:

The Big Hole in Kimberley and the gap in the Springboks' defensive line.

:36_11_6:

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Guest Hawkeye   
Guest Hawkeye

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priestbeside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' ‘Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother'sbirthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraidthey'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customsfor me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.' 'Father with your honest face, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you haveto declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but whichis, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

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vlagman    914

I was thinking of starting a new thread for this, but then realised that there is only one place it could go, and that is the funnies thread.

From News24:

Bok buddies together again

"Brisbane – Ruan Pienaar and Morné Steyn will finally play together again as the Springboks’ halfback pairing in what probably feels like an eternity to two very good friends.

The two were last halfback partners in 2005 when they played together for the South Africa under-21 side that won the Junior World Championship in Argentina.

And who was the coach back then? None other than Peter de Villiers.

Just why the coach waited for five years to re-unite the pair is a mystery, but it probably has something to do with their contrasting fortunes as flyhalves.

But every fairytale has a happy ending and for these two friends, who already played together as boys in Bloemfontein, their backyard Tests growing up in Fichardt Park will become a reality in Saturday’s Tri-Nations clash against the Wallabies at the Suncorp Stadium.

Pienaar will be in the No 9 jersey and Steyn at No 10."

In another article in Beeld the clown once again defends Januarie. He says that Francois Louw and Januarie needed a rest because they have been playing too much rugby due to an error in judgement by management. What a fucking plonker?

http://www.beeld.com/Sport/Rugby/So-het-span-meer-vaart-glo-De-Villiers-20100720

"De Villiers was baie diplomaties om te verduidelik dat Ricky Januarie en Francois Louw weens ’n oordeelsfout van die bestuurspan te veel rugby gespeel het en ’n ruskans verdien, maar die agtereenvolgende nederlae teen die All Blacks het sekere waarhede ontbloot. "

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bobbok    205

Aussie journalists reckon the hilites of a Bok visit are PDivvy's press conferences .

As one remarked , " we don't know half of what he is actually saying ,but its a hoot ". rolleyes.gif

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Guest Duke   
Guest Duke

THE FUNNIEST EVER ......

" I have been saying that I will play Danie and Rossouw as my locks given the much greater physicality of the ABs "....ex Beeno

:23_34_4:

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bobbok    205

Duke , wasn't it Beano on thr ole sarugbyboard who thought that Solly & Tybilika were two different players ?? :23_34_4:

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Owen Meany    552

Lol. Ek het iewers gelees Danie en Rossouw se ma het hulle van kleins af eenders aangetrek en Danie en Rossouw kan ook flank en agsteman speel.

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vlagman    914

Lol. Ek het iewers gelees Danie en Rossouw se ma het hulle van kleins af eenders aangetrek en Danie en Rossouw kan ook flank en agsteman speel.

Danie op flank, Rossouw op agsteman, en Danie Rossouw op slot.

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Guest Duke   
Guest Duke

Duke , wasn't it Beano on thr ole sarugbyboard who thought that Solly & Tybilika were two different players ?? :23_34_4:

your spot on mate....i cant believe my eyes..how funny.

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Blikkies    62

Paint job

A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about £50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realise that our porch goes ALL the way around the house? That's a bit dishonest, isn't it?'

The man replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

'Yes', the blonde replied, 'and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten-pound tip.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus'.

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vlagman    914

Die man sit langs 'n blond op die vliegtuig."Kan ek 'n bietjie met jou

gesels?" vra hy.

"Waaroor?" vra sy.

"Wat van........kernkrag?" se hy.

"Sê my eers" sê sy" weet jy hoekom is 'n bokdrol rond en hard en

beesmis is plat en slap, maar altwee diere vreet gras?"

"Nee, ek weet nie" se hy.

"PRESIES!!!" sê sy "Jy kan nie eers oor kak praat nie, maar nou wil jy

met my oor kernkrag praat!"

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