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Guest Viva Alonso

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Guest Viva Alonso

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Only the good die young........... Red Bull take the piss out of Bernie, both Red Bull cars retire. Coincidence?wink.gif

Vettel : Good action Bernie, but you're using the wrong finger...

"No Sebastian, you're using the wrong finger"

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Guest Viva Alonso

83ad6a2283c7fab03aeaff64b916c7eb19.jpg

... then Michael said to me, "Hey Fernando how about you and I changing teams. I'd like to get my old seat back."

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One about some close calls. They are not all motor racing related, but most are though. Check the expression on the old guys face about 1 minute 12 seconds into the clip.

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Jissie, that is really a nice pic Viva... genade it was very dark by the end of the race... but wow what a pic

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Guest Viva Alonso

You know you've been watching Formula 1 for too long when ..

... When you're counting down the days until Bahrain before the race in Abu Dhabi has even started.

... When you can explain the Lotus naming dispute and make sense of it.

.... when you just woke in a cold sweat after reliving an alternative title finale, Alonso still lost .... when you think its entirely normal to try and get up at insanse 0'clock for qualifying and sometimes even free practice

... when you jealously guard fridays on your uni timetable so you can watch free pracitce

... when you use social networking sites such as twitter and formspring soley to talk to people about F1

...When you're dad gets a haircut, and the first thing you say is "you look like christian horner"

- You go to your car mechanic, and tell him that you are suffering from massive understeer.

- When your girlfriend says she is going to the Spa, and the first thing that pops into your mind is her sitting in a Mclaren and flooring it through Eau Rouge.

- You meet a Michael Schumacher fan, and for some reason you do not get along with that person. wink.gif

- While drinking champagne, you are sometimes tempted to either spray it out on everyone, or at least pour it out on the friends next to you.

- After winning a game of tennis... the Vettel index finger is now a part of your celebration.

- The F1 season has finally come to an end on Sunday, yet you log on to f1fanatic like nothing has changed.

...You take the racing line under any circumstances (walking, driving, pushing trolleys in the supermarket) and then retrace the route to try and perfect the line...

...You make massive amounts of pointless spreadsheets to store stats that are readily accessible on the internet...

...your dad's first question on the phone is, "what are you doing this weekend? any Formula 1 on?"

...your girlfriend (who doesn't really like F1) refers to the drivers by the first name "Oh come on Mark, crash again!" - "Is that Vitaly?!"

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Guest Viva Alonso

This week saw the release of a range of confidential dispatches from American Embassies around the world on Wikileaks.

The disclosures included fantastically embarrassing profiles of world leaders such as President Sarkozy of France, "an autocratic leader with a thin skin" and Silvio Berlusconi, "feckless, vain and ineffective as a modern European leader." They described Vladimir Putin as an "alpha dog" and "Batman" to President Medvedev's "Robin".

So, we wondered... What would happen if we could access the personal e.mails of F1's top drivers and found out what they really thought about their colleagues and team-mates. This is almost certainly what they've been writing...

Jenson Button on Lewis

"Sometimes I don't know if he's in the right career. It's like he wants to be the first gangsta rapper F1 World Champion. And his girlfriend's too old for him."

Lewis Hamilton on Jenson

"What is it with the scruffy ginger beard? It's like we turn up for a driver's briefing and I expect him to sell me a copy of the Big Issue. And his girlfriend's way too good for him."

Mark Webber on Seb

"Seb's a good guy to have around the team. You never know when you're gonna need someone to scare the children off. Talk about trick or treat, him and Sebastian Buemi could make a fortune hiring themselves out at Halloween."

Sebastian Vettel on Mark

"We always hear about Mark's famous Australian sense of humour, but after Valencia we nicknamed his chassis the Space Shuttle and he was not happy."

Fernando Alonso on Felipe

"I don't know if he can do anything on his own any more. Rob Smedley tells him to do this and do that in a race. It's embarrassing. If they didn't have that long line of girls on the way to the podium he probably wouldn't find his way there as he needs Rob to hold his hand."

Felipe Massa on Fernando

"I have cousins like Fernando who always need to get their own way. But they are six and seven. There's a joke at Ferrari that no-one will go to McDonalds with Fernando any more in case he gets the wrong toy in the Happy Meal..."

Nico Rosberg on Michael

"He smiles on the outside because that's what he wants the world to see, but he's not smiling on the inside."

Michael Schumacher on Nico

"If I was leading and he was in second place I think he'd sooner we both crash than have a 1-2 with me in 1."

Jake Humphry on David Coulthard

"Getting a prediction out of him that isn't sat on the fence or complementary to Red Bull is like getting him to pay for a round of three drinks."

David Coulthard on Jake

"He can never interview the drivers standing up because he'd look freakily tall."

Ron Dennis on Luca Montezemolo

"He thinks he's somewhere between Silvio Berlusconi and the Pope, dropping in on the Ferrari team and giving them his blessing.

Luca Montezemolo on Ron Dennis

"He is still sucking too many lemons."

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Guest Viva Alonso

I know it is all a publicity stunt and "science fiction" but hell this car looks great..... who nows we might soon see cars looking more and more like this "dream baby" / "Dream Racer" of Adrian Newey!!

My link

Red Bull has released a new video that shows how the X2010 (aka X1 prototype) was transformed from a Gran Turismo 5 fixture into a full-scale model.

Built by Industrial Design Consultancy, the real life X2010 features individually milled sections and a design created by Red Bull's Chief Technical Officer Adrian Newey.

While the mock up doesn't have a powertrain, the virtual X2010 has a twin-turbo 3.0-liter V6 that produces 1500 PS (1103 kW / 1479 hp) and 714 Nm (527 lb-ft) of torque. This immense power in combination with a fan in the floor that creates a suction effect with immense downforce allows the futuristic car to accelerate from 0-60 mph (96 km/h) in 1.4 seconds, 0-200 mph (322 km/h) in 6.1 seconds, and onto a top speed of 280 mph (450 km/h). Lateral acceleration can reach 8.75G - at the very limit of what the human body can withstand.

Read more: http://www.worldcarfans.com/111011130411/red-bull-project-x2010-latest-video---the-construction#ixzz1AonlvSEL

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Sorry for the guys who can't watch this. I do not understand a word of Spanish but this is hilarious. You don't have to understand it to catch the piss they are taking at MBE. :are-you-still-there::36_11_6: :36_11_6:

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Guest Viva Alonso

I don't know Webber to take this thread seriously or not.

A couple of these came Clos to making me laugh, but most of them are utterly Tyrrell-ble.

.............................................

Mark Webber cruises down a street in a small Australian village.
When he sees a very old woman walking very slowly, apparently having some pain with walking.
<ark, being a very polite young man, stops the car, opens the window and asks her: Can I give you a ride?
She looks to him, pleasantly surprised, but suddenly she recognizes him and says: Uh, no, thank you, but I'm in a hurry!

 

...................................................

Q: The helmet has a special meaning for many drivers. How important is it to you?
KR: It protects my head.

Q: Do you have any special rituals when the helmet is concerned like many other drivers have?
KR: I wipe it, so that I can see better.

Q: The most exciting moment during the race weekend?
KR: I think it’s the race start, always.
Q: The most boring?
KR: Now.

Q: Kimi, have you ever got angry about anything, and jumped up and down and shouted?
KR:
Yeah, many times but of course you’re not happy if you retire or
something but I guess it mostly happens more in normal life than in
racing.
Q: Can you give us examples?
KR: No, not really.
Q: What are the kind of things that make you angry in normal life, as you say?
KR: If you keep asking questions like those.

.......................................

Edited by Viva Alonso

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Guest Viva Alonso

Yo mama so ugly, the FIA allowed a modesty panel to be installed on her face next season.

 

Yo mama so ugly, Red Bull built a fence around her during pre-season testing.

 

Yo mama so fat, when she sat down once in Belgium, she created Eau Rouge.

 

Yo mama so fat, Adrian Newey couldn’t make her aerodynamic!

 

..................................

 

Sebastian 'I didn't do it on purpose' Vettel

 

...................................

 

“What do you look like?”, the snake asked.

“I've got long ears, two big hind legs and a fluffy tail.”

“Aha”, the snake said, “then you must be a rabbit.”

“Yes, I am. What do you look like?” the rabbit asked.

“I'm bald all over my body and I've got no ears” the snake said.

“Ah.” the rabbit said, “then you must be Niki Lauda.”

 

..........................................

 

Fernando Alonso walks into a bar 10 seconds later so does Felipe Massa

 

..........................................

 

"Who won the 1977 Formula 1 Championship?"
"Lauda."
"I SAID WHO WON THE 1977......."

.............................................................

 

Pastor Maldonado walks into a bar.

He says it was the bar's fault. Everyone else calls for him to be banned from walking.

................................................................

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Guest Viva Alonso

F1 BOSSES have launched an investigation after a race somehow became unfixed.

 

Footage of the Malaysian Grand Prix allegedly shows Sebastian Vettel operating his car in the manner of someone trying to win.

The resulting controversy has left everyone not obsessed by Formula One deeply confused.


A Red Bull team spokesman said: “We take allegations of racing extremely seriously.


“Drivers must remember that this is not a sport but a deeply weird
and monotonous pre-programmed entertainment experience that is
completely incomprehensible to sane people.


“Kind of like Wacky Races but with odder drivers, more ridiculous-looking cars and lots of girls who look like hookers.”


F1 devotee Julian Cook said: “You could clearly see Vettel trying to
accelerate past another car in order to make his car go over the finish
line first.


“According to the twisted logic of the bizarre quasi-sport that I love for no apparent reason, this is quite unacceptable.


“If it’s proven that Vettel was trying to win, Bernie Ecclestone should have him thrown into a pit of scorpions.

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F1 BOSSES have launched an investigation after a race somehow became unfixed.

Footage of the Malaysian Grand Prix allegedly shows Sebastian Vettel operating his car in the manner of someone trying to win.

The resulting controversy has left everyone not obsessed by Formula One deeply confused.

A Red Bull team spokesman said: “We take allegations of racing extremely seriously.

“Drivers must remember that this is not a sport but a deeply weird

and monotonous pre-programmed entertainment experience that is

completely incomprehensible to sane people.

“Kind of like Wacky Races but with odder drivers, more ridiculous-looking cars and lots of girls who look like hookers.”

F1 devotee Julian Cook said: “You could clearly see Vettel trying to

accelerate past another car in order to make his car go over the finish

line first.

“According to the twisted logic of the bizarre quasi-sport that I love for no apparent reason, this is quite unacceptable.

“If it’s proven that Vettel was trying to win, Bernie Ecclestone should have him thrown into a pit of scorpions.

Lol, says a lot coming from you. Good to see some are seeing the humour in it all. I think too much have been made of it. In the end it will result in a more interesting season. Edited by DbDraad

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