Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Guest Hawkeye

Dirty Jokes - NSFW (Not safe for work)

Recommended Posts

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Thato

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?

A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

You are on thin ice!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Hawkeye

You are on thin ice!!!

Why?  Did he not get a bonus?  :36_11_6:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Thato

Why?  Did he not get a bonus?  :36_11_6:

:15_8_217:  :36_6_3:  :36_11_6:

 

I'm not falling for that by responding and walking straight into it... Stu warned me about the Rugby board - I should just read and laugh and move on

Edited by Thato

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?

A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

 

Q: Why do brides always smile on their wedding day?

A: They know they have given their last blowjob

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spit,swallow, and gargle,

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: "I'll see you next month."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut?
A: Tug-of-whore.
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Hawkeye

Twee vroulike lyksbesorgers was n manlike lyk wat baie goed bedeeld is. “nes my man s’n” sê die een vrou

 

Net so groot?  Vra die ander vrou

 

Nee …… net so dood!!

 

Translation:

 

Two female morticians were washing a male corpse which was very well hung.

 

"Just like my husbands." said the one woman.

 

"Wow, just as big?" replied the other.

 

"Nope, just as dead!" came the answer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Piet het jy al Koos se tril gesien dit lyk soos n' skoorsteen?

 

So groot?

 

Nee so fokken vuil.

Edited by WeDaFaKaWe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Hawkeye

Hoe adverteer ‘n man homself in die “Hoekie vir Eensames?”

 

Tweedehandse naaimasjien, lanklaas gebruik, naald in puik toestand!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ietsie vir die Afrikaanse ouens.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNGkj7na8ZU&list=PLK276a9mTZav4y78hw6T23swvzHaKF9Qv&index=1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hier's n' gedig wat ek op n' rugbytoer geleer het:

 

Meisiekind jou oulike ding,

Roer daaie boude dat die ding kan in.

 

Die boude is nat

Die boude is glad

Die boude is so lekker om aan te vat.

 

Ma se vir Pa,

Hou op met roer

Die kinders is besig om ons af te loer.

 

Pa se vir Ma,

Die kinders se moer

Al wat jy sien is die boude wat roer.

 

Meisiekind jou oulike ding.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Hawkeye

  An old tannie walks into a sex shop. She is having trouble walking and half hobbles and half hops over to the counter,

She eventualy makes it and holds on for dear life,

She is says to the bloke behind the counter,“D-d-d-d-d-ooo yo-yo-you s-s-s-sell d-d-d-d-dildos-s-s“ ?,

The bloke says “Yes madam we sell dildos, in fact we sell all sorts, in all shapes and sizes.“

The woman says“ D-d-d-do yo-yo-you h-h-h-have w-w-w-wun th-th-that is sm-sm-small and b-b-b-black, s-s-s-six i-i-in-in-inches l-l-l-long but three i-i-i-i-inches th-th-thick?“.

 

The bloke says“ Well yes madam we do, in fact thats one of the most popular models.“

 

W-w-w-well c-c-c-c-can you t-t-t-tell m-m-m-me e-e how –w-w-w to t-t-t-t-turn –n-n-n the fu-fu-fucking thing g-g-g off f-f-f?.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q: What's the difference between anal sex and a microwave oven?

A: The microwave won't brown your meat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her fanny and the midwife had to pull me out.
That's how excited I was to see my little brother.

 

:36_11_6:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Either women are all lying bitches or by some miracle...

...they meet each new boyfriend in ascending cock size.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Hawkeye

I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blow jobs and smoking weed. She was known as Oral High Jean. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The biggest difference between men and women, is what comes to mind when they hear the word "facial".

Edited by The Don
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest BigBullSupporter

Jannie loop by sy ouers se slaapkamer in terwyl sy pa besig is om 'n effie oor sy zaber te trek, net reg om Jannie se ma onder die lakens by te kom. Moerse embarrased met 'n full-on ereksie buig Jannie se pa skielik vorentoe en maak asof hy iets onder die bed soek.
Jannie: "Wat doen jy, pappa?"
Pa: "uhm.. kyk.. uhm daar is 'n rot wat onder die bed ingehardloop het…"
Jannie: "So wat wil pappa doen? Die ding dood naai?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest BigBullSupporter

Drie couples is uitgepass by Oppikoppi in twee tente. Die chicks in die een tent en die ouens in die ander tent. Drie uur die oggend skrik een van die ouens half deur die kak wakker: "Fok, ek moet my chick gaan kry! Ek het sopas wakker geword met die grootste fokken boner ooit!"
"Kan ek saamkom?" vra sy een tjommie
"Is jy fokken mal? Hoekom sal ek dit nou toelaat?"
Buddy: "Want dis my fokken piel wat jy daar vashou daar!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A six-foot five skinhead was giving me evils in the pub.
I said, "Keep looking at me like that and you'll be spending the night in A&E."
He said, "I'd like to see you fucking try, you little cunt!"
So I stabbed his wife.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this  

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 0 Guests (See full list)

  • Forum Statistics

    11,568
    Total Topics
    393,035
    Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    54
    Total Members
    2,160
    Most Online
    Goraan
    Newest Member
    Goraan
    Joined
×