Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Guest Hawkeye

Dirty Jokes - NSFW (Not safe for work)

Recommended Posts

The Don    245

A very cute Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he deliberately spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to dodge or deflect it.

He finished the box of shrimp and threw it out the window. Seeing this, she'd had enough of his rudeness, lack

of manners, and his total disdain of women

She got up and pulled the train's Emergency Cord.

The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid female, worthless Infidel,

Catholic bitch."

She smiled and said to him, "When I cry rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years in prison,

you towel-headed goat fucker

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    245

He: You are the funniest and most beautiful girl I have ever met.

She: You just want to fuck me.

He: WOW and smart as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
supersupporter    798

The waitress noticed me struggling to open the mini cornflake packet in the breakfast buffet.

"Just slide your finger between the flaps", she suggested.


That finished badly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hawk_Eye    1,358

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.

We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

 

GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom,

and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

 

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer,

lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

 

I trust this clears up any confusion.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    245

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    245

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
supersupporter    798

People can be so 'in your face' these days. Only last night a complete stranger asked me if I preferred legs or breasts.

I told him that, actually, I liked hairy fannies, but it turned out that this wasn't an option with the KFC bargain bucket.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    245

The wife came out of the bathroom naked after her shower and said "Close the curtains honey, I don't want the neighbours to see me naked!" "Don't worry" I said "If the neighbours see you naked they'll close their own fucking curtains..."

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    245
13 hours ago, Hawk_Eye said:

Embedded image permalink

Sadly, that is more real than funny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Don    245

Q: What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A: A prostitute can clean her crack and sell it again.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this  

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 19 Guests (See full list)

  • Forum Statistics

    11,406
    Total Topics
    385,638
    Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    35
    Total Members
    2,160
    Most Online
    Radiance Space
    Newest Member
    Radiance Space
    Joined
×